Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
