Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize