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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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