i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
