I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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