I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize