Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize