check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
