I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize