I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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