This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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