Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
