Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
