capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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