What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
