Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
