onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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