I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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