half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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