don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
