She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
