Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
