I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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