Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
