dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
