my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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