shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
