he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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