forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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