I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
