drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize