I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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