come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
