just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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