Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize