All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
