Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
