You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They took my balls.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
