Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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