We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize