I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
