So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
