Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
