i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize