ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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