i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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