I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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