Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
