Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
