I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
