i think i have two assholes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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