3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
