I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
