I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
