Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize