i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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