Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
