The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
