Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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