Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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