Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
