this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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