I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
