so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
