youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
