your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize