I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
