I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need water and some morals
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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