i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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