I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
this is an emotional support booty call
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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