I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
