Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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