I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
