Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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