Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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