i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
