brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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