It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
