dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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