I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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