I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
