when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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