thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
