I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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