I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
