I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
