I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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