If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
