i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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