How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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