We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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