If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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