I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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