i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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