At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
