And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone says I win the strip club
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
