you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this just has baby written all over it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
