How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
