Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
