my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
