hotel room ftw
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
