So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
