were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize