i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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