You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
