What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
